The Emotional Artist

Just before the conference started, it came to my attention that these days, I can take most forms of abuse, disrespect, criticism and negativity with ease - but not when it comes to "my art."

There, I get hyper-protective and react like a mother bear whose cubs are being threatened, on steroids.

So the pre-conference aspect thought to herself, well, that's a vulnerability. There's something not quite right. Wonder what it might be ...

And on the night before the start of the Master Energist, said aspect doodled a little list of art-relevant memories, with a little picture for each as a reminder.

Most of these had been treated in some shape or form, somewhere along the line, and the collection contained a few Guiding Stars, as well as a number of trauma events.

As it was by then 4am, the aspect put that aside, but the next morning, picked up the notepad and took it along to the venue.

And it so happened that during the second session of the Master Energist, talk came around to missing events, and the importance of creating those missing events in the events matrix before physical demise.

Over the lunchbreak, the aspect got the notepad out and started to doodle memories that, if they had been had at some time, that crazy-defensive art response would never occur.

That was fascinating indeed.

It started with a very early memory of seeing mother paint, of being in the presence of mother "dancing with colours."

I'd put the child who recorded that memory at perhaps 3 months old, perhaps younger still.

The next memory was one of the father being delighted about a new work of art the mother had done. That was shocking. On so many different levels.

The memories just unfolded, one after the other. They included memories of doing art with mother, of making a special art project for the father to display at work with the mother, of the mother protecting the child against a rubbish art teacher at school, learning that art was valuable and materially valuable, all manner of things. 

It was a fascinating journey through missing memories which, in that journey, became memories, data, I was there and experienced all of that.

What was probably most astonishing was how many really crucial memories were missing which were clearly needed to stabilise the events matrix to some degree, to make it more bullet proof, less in need of endless defending and so incredibly vulnerable and fragile.

With hindsight, it's no wonder the aspects freaked out every time this fragile web was threatened yet again, and it's no wonder that others, perceiving the fragility of that web, would question its veracity as a matter of course.

And the moral of the tail?

Well, I'd say first of all to pay attention to your emotions and acknowledge them. That's the first step. Just saying you're being crazy, hormonal or overemotional isn't a solution or an answer. If that happens a lot, there's something seriously wrong and perhaps it can be fixed.

Secondly, what I saw there is that you may be born with the "soul of an artist" but that doesn't mean you will find it easy to live that if all the events you should have had or could have had simply aren't there to help you through the vagaries of the hard.

Thirdly, the missing events have a whole lot more to do with how our lives play out than we realise.

I'm slowly getting some people now weaned off of the endless trauma chasing, which truly accounts for so little. We've added the Guiding Stars, now there's something that can put an entire life on a weird track and it never feels right ...

But the missing events, now that's astonishing.

I would never have guessed there were so many, nor so many important, hugely charged events that were never had but they should have been to make things right in the energy system.

Perhaps at the end of the day, what I would like and why I am writing this in the first place is to say, "If you have the soul of an artist, if you are over-emotional about your art, if you are struggling somewhere and you know there's better for you, more, deeper, richer, there probably is.

"If you have a will to evolve as an artist, or as anything really that is in your soul, it may just be that you weren't given what you needed to make your systems strong and everything so easy and effortless.

"But it can be done and we can do something about these things."

Missing events.

That's something to think about.

And what a powerful concept that is ...